Unexpected
by AquarianParadox
Summary: If Karin had been here all of this could have been avoided, but then again Yuzu was kind of happy her sister couldn't prevent this mess. AU, Crack-fic to the max. Pairing: Shizu


All Yuzu had wanted was to know exactly what it was her brother was doing to get money for college, that was it. She hadn't followed him with the intent of ending up hiding a dumpster with the man she had a crush on while stuck in a rather compromising position. Then again when did life ever work out in a convenient way?

It had all started earlier in the day when Ichigo had been acting more suspicious than her father trying to sneak out to a strip club. Had Karin been there, but she was inconveniently at her soccer team's bootcamp, she would have immediately pointed out to him how weird he was acting. But Karin wasn't there it was just Yuzu, the same Yuzu who had trouble being confrontational in any way shape or form. So rather than talk to her brother about it she had developed a plan to follow him and figure out what had been making him so secretive and antsy lately. Once more had Karin been there she would have informed her twin of the many flaws and thus stopped it from happening but as already stated Karin wasn't there.

And so Yuzu dressed in a long tan trench coat, a bright red Carmon Sandiego hat since after all smart people wore those sorts of hats, and a pair of hooker heels because it just seemed to fit with everything else. I don't even think it is needed to say what Karin would have had she been there to see her sister stalk after her brother in broad daylight. But thanks to Ichigo's oblivious nature and the fact that Yuzu made some impressive dives behind trash cans she somehow managed to stay unnoticed. Daylight quickly faded leaving only the street lamps to give enough light for Yuzu to stalk her brotherly prey. But as she continued ducking behind a surprisingly abundant amount of dumpsters her brother began getting more suspicious. Constantly looking behind him and jumping at the slightest sound it took all of her concentration to avoid detection. Her full attention being centered on her brother had a down side as it came as a surprise to Yuzu when her brother entered a very flamboyant building that required little guessing as to what it was.

That was because on the, admittedly pretty, bright pink building was a sign that clearly read, "Aizen's XXX Girls". If that wasn't enough of a sign that this was either a strip club or brothel the classy neon sign that hung above the door was that of a rather promiscuously dressed lady straddling a martini olive. Yuzu's jaw dropped then promptly closed as she didn't just smell but _tasted_ the perfumes and cologne scents that emanated from the brothel's doors. Gagging more than a little she took a moment to gather up the courage necessary to follow her brother inside and confront him about what a pervert he had become.

Unfortunately it took Yuzu the better part of a half and hour hiding behind a garbage can to gather up the courage needed to follow her brother into the lion's den. For Yuzu anger didn't come easy, it never had. When she was younger she had in fact wondered if she missed the necessary brain bits to be angry at someone, that was until a boy tried to get fresh with her sister Karin one day. Karin hadn't been feeling well yet the boy wouldn't leave her be and Yuzu snapped. She had unleashed a verbal storm of fury upon the boy, nearly making him cry when she brought up the fact that he did indeed have a mother didn't he? Karin would one day be someone's mother and imagine some stupid impertinent boy trying to get fresh with his mother like the one Karin would one day surely be. Eventually it got to the point when Karin herself had to drag a still ranting Yuzu away from the poor boy who was now reconsidering his attraction to the female gender because now every girl he saw reminded him of his mother.

Just thinking about that made her imaginary hackles rise as it occurred to her that Ichigo had a mother, he had sisters too. And yet here he was being a perverted philanderer despite having precious females in his life. All the girls in that pit of perversion had brothers and fathers and there were probably some who were even mothers!

Anger poured from Yuzu as she stood and made a straight line for the business that was called 'Aizen's XXX Girls'. Her eyes radiated hell fire and holy purpose as she confidently pushed creepy men, old and young alike, away from her to create a path to the building. Upon making it to the bouncer all Yuzu did was flash her I.D., that a few days earlier she had been so proud of since it was proof that she was now 18, before continuing her march inside.

Her giant Carmen Sandiego hat hid her face but allowed her to spy upon the interior decorations which were surprisingly classy given what the establishment was. Unlike the flamboyant pink and neon lady that adorned the outer walls, inside was decorated in soothing blues and greens. There were plush couches upon which business men sat, some with girls at their side and some with them on their laps. And there were also much to her astonishment men dressed as women, some convincing some not, who mingled with both women and men. The most eye catching thing though were two women sitting on a couch, both had bright orange hair and were surrounded by a gaggle of entranced men. Unable to see clearly through the sea of men, a sea that held likely her brother being all sorts of inappropriate, Yuzu made to move forward but was stopped by a rather tall she-man blocking her.

"Hello mysterious looking patron-san!" said the man dressed as a woman. His makeup and clothes were so impeccable that the illusion would have been perfect had his voice not been so rich, deep, and clearly masculine.

For a moment Yuzu was taken away by the beauty of this cross dressing male. His coffee colored hair flowed nearly to his waist and was just to thick, silky, and shiny to be fake. High cheek bones and lofty eyebrows gave him a look of arrogance but the way his eyes twinkled and mouth quirked in a deviant smile spoke of a generous sense of humor. It was that eye twinkle that disarmed Yuzu enough to not find him highly suspicious which she should have. If Karin had been there she would have ignored the he-she and dragged her twin out by any means necessary before she got corrupted. But Karin wasn't and so Yuzu was just starting to get tangled in Sir Spiders web.

Flipping a lock of hair behind his shoulders before settling a rather large hand against her back the man said in a secretive tone, "You know we don't often get many females, well at least beautiful females such as yourself here that aren't looking for a job. While you shoes do seem like they should be working here your face doesn't, honey doll. Speaking of faces yours rather looks like an acquaintance of mine!"

Having at some point begun to steer Yuzu away from the crowd and toward an empty corridor the man paused for a moment in thought before resuming his speech, "Oh yes you're Kurosaki Ichigo's little sister aren't you? Oh you're even more precious than the picture he keeps in his wallet! And my how your hair has grown out. The pigtails were cute but I like how it goes to your shoulders in waves much more adult, and much more sexy."

His voice was the sort that could narrate for a living and hearing it talk in such a flamboyant way was rather, interesting for lack of a better word. So intriguing that is was a contributing factor in distracting her from how he kept steering her in the opposite direction she wanted. Being called sexy by a man in drag did nothing for her already shot brain power. A bright blush flooded her cheeks as Yuzu did her best to try and form a coherent sentence about how did this she-male know about Ichigo's wallet. Was he a customer of hers, erm him, whatever he-she was? Did her brother really swing that way? And if he did swing that way why had they not played dress up at all?! But those sentences didn't come out as anything more than the stutterings of a highly embarrassed woman.

Eventually her jumbled words simply transitioned into her opening and closing her mouth like a bad imitation of a fish breathing. It was around this point that Yuzu found herself being escorted down an unfamiliar hallway. Giving the man a look of intense befuddlement was it took to get an explanation.

"You're here to visit your big brother, obviously, but as it is he is currently busy doing things that are better to not involve siblings. It would be really rude of me to simply send you out or have you sit down and wait for him to be done! So since your brother has been such a big help to my business I think he's earned for his little sister to get a free session while she waits don't you think so Yuzu-chan?!" Head tilted to the side, hands clasped together, and a curious smile on his-her face that spoke of deep mischief Yuzu felt scared all of a sudden.

There was no time for that however as suddenly a door to her right was open and the womanly man was pushing her through it with a cry of have fun.

Yuzu fell into thick strong arms, and that wasn't so bad, until a startling familiar voice echoed in her ear. It was the voice of one of her brother's fighting senseis, a gravely stern and almost terrifying voice that had no place being in a club with promiscuous drag queens. It was Kenpachi Zaraki who embraced her.

"Hey there woman, why so stiff I promise you'll be shown the best time of your life."

His voice made her spine shudder and not in the good erotic kind of way but the, holy crap why is this person who I know and do not find attractive like that holding me way. Stiff as a board from fear and sheer awkwardness Yuzu began to shake when Zaraki grumbled something along the lines of that asshole Aizen never sending him any of the fun ones. One sigh from the overly tall man later Yuzu found herself being spun around so that he could see her properly. She just about shat herself as his face entered her line of vision. Kenpachi Zaraki wasn't dressed like a normal male host, he was dressed exactly like the he-she who had thrown her in here. Only in a not so classy way, he looked more like a three year old getting into his mother clothes and makeup.

Gaudy make-up adorned his face, his lips painted a bright blue, eyes highlighted by bright yellow eyeshadow, and his cheeks had ridiculous neon pink blush circles on them. Part of Yuzu wanted to giggle but the larger more dominant part of her was torn between crying and fixing the terrible thing he'd done to his face. What's more his normally spiky hair was poorly hid under an obnoxious teal colored wig. Then there were his clothes which might have looked good on a tall busty woman but just looked ridiculous on him as it was clear he'd simply stuffed two styrofoam cups that were crumpled into a ball shape into his blouse. But the cherry on top was that as he pulled her close enough for her to smell his breath Zaraki didn't recognize her at all. Which made no sense because she wasn't the one who was wearing a wig.

"Are you ready to have your world rocked woman?" he growled hot breath fanning over Yuzu's face like the shock wave after an explosion.

Suddenly terrified for her virgin body Yuzu did what all woman have at some point learned to do. Yuzu ducked out of his arms and created distance by sneaking toward the door. When Zaraki gave pursuit looking unjustifiably excited Yuzu did her best to distract him.

"I love you're lipstick what brand is it?" Laughing nervously she felt relief when her hand finally reached the doorknob.

"Rukissable, Coral Blue no.5, now enough chitchat lady you gonna come over here or am I gonna have to come get you?" Right then his eyes held an unholy gleam that promised his threats to be very real.

Turning and twisting the doorknob to now avail as Yuzu realized the door had been locked behind her. Cursing that the evil she-man she panicked searching for an exit only able to find a ridiculously small window. It wasn't just small but really far up on the wall meaning she'd have to jump just to try and catch the sill. Still one look at Zaraki was all it took for Yuzu to make up her mind. She appreciated the man and thought he was a very nice individual when not trying to be seductive or beating someone to a pulp. Although now knowing how he seduced she could say there wasn't too much of a difference. And it didn't even bother her that he apparently liked to dress up as a woman in his spare time and do questionable things for an evil devil man-she, if it was what made him happy it was all good. But Yuzu did not feel like having a romantic encounter with him dress or no dress she just couldn't think of him that way.

So she smiled apologetically at him before bolting for the window. Halfway there though a terrible cracking noise distracted her and a new vaguely familiar masculine yelling filled the room.

"Hell no I ain't gonna put on a dress to fulfill yer sick twisted fantasies ya bastard!"

Spinning around Yuzu was startled to see a half naked man with bright yellow hair standing in the ruins of what was once a door. His words and the fact that he held the same crazed look in his eyes that she had in hers was the reason that in hindsight Yuzu justified her actions. Her actions being that Yuzu ran forward and grabbed his arm pulling him toward the tall small window. Wasting no time she told him to give her a boost to open it and surprisingly he was on board without any convincing needed. Maybe he recognized the same desire for escape as she had in him. Strong arms wrapped around her hips and Yuzu found herself being lifted up much higher than she expected. Given the situation she didn't stop to think about his height and instead unlatched the window. Peeking through it she was happy to see that there was the roof of some shed right below the window.

Yuzu pulled herself through the window falling to the shed's roof with a clang. Not wasting anytime she quickly scrambled upright and stuck her torso back through the window offering her arms down to the half naked man. He sent her a slightly disbelieving glance unable to believe that such a lithe small girl could in anyway aide in pulling him up. Maybe it was true that most normal 18 year old girls didn't have the muscle to help pull a grown man up through a window but Yuzu was a Kurosaki, and they never did anything in halves. So when she helped pull him through the window without much effort he was rather surprised but grateful. However half way in aiding in his escape someone got hold of his foot and suddenly it became an all out tug of war. With one last great tug Yuzu managed to pull him through but she pulled too hard. The extra momentum made her stumbled back off of the small bit of roof. Since the golden haired male was still within her grasp he followed eyes wide and mouth open in a silent yell.

She expected to fall to the concrete, and maybe die. but instead found herself falling into an open dumpster. Falling onto the somewhat cushioning garbage bags Yuzu got the wind get knocked out of her as the half naked man fell on top of her with an audible oof of his own. Somehow during her short fall her trench coat had opened up and all Yuzu had worn underneath was a flimsy camisole top and an old skirt that was a little too short. And his chest, no his body was pressed a little too intimately against hers. A vermillion colored blush filled her face as Yuzu's hands squirmed in between them to try and push the dazed man's chest off of her own. Unwittingly her hands dragged against his abdomen as she tried to create a much needed distance before she died of embarrassment. But she only made things worse because Yuzu felt herself die at the ridges her fingers felt, those ridges spoke of a sort of muscle definition that made her want to swoon. From embarrassment or maybe arousal she wasn't sure but thankfully her frantic pushing at him had the effect of him lifting of off of her and giving her some much needed room.

A much bigger complication arose as the man did, his golden hair dangling in her face, Yuzu realized she _knew_ him. Not in the way she recognized Zaraki, no she knew this man much better. Hirako Shinji was a friend of Ichigo's, although according to him they were more like enemies than friends, that had always been popping in to annoy her brother since she was 15. In the time since Yuzu was 15 until now she'd had a very amicable relationship with him finding the older male both funny and amusing. Against her better judgment she'd begun to have feelings for him over the years. It was just a tiny tiny small crush that was no big deal whatsoever . . . Okay that was a lie. When she had her first mildly erotic dream Shinji had been the star, she liked him that much. And now he was hovering just above her, with no shirt on, and she'd just groped him.

The equally astonished look on his face conveyed that he to was shocked to see her. That was a small comfort given she felt like she was about to die of hyperventilation. Her mental state deteriorated to the point that all she could do was try and vocalize her intense frustration. It came out sounding like some foreign language of the land of crazy people. Mid-ramble, she was attempting to ask him why he was in the brothel and missing a shirt, his large hand clamped over her mouth. Simultaneously his other hand pulled down the lid to the garbage bin as softly as possible.

"Quiet down, they're gonna find us if ya keep makin' noise!" Shinji hissed into her ear.

That made Yuzu immediately stop doing everything, except breathing she needed to breathe, but not to avoid detection. No, Shinji's lips had touched her ear, and while all the trash around her stunk to high heaven he was once more pressed against her now. With the lid closed it gave him no room to hover above her. Loud voices outside the dumpster made both of them stop breathing in fear of being found. Yuzu's hands, which were mashed awkwardly between their bodies clenched as the voices got nearer and nearer.

"Oi come on, Shinji would never hide in a dumpster, he'd have already run off you idiot. Let's go check the nearby streets." Called out a muffled voice.

At the noise of very faint footsteps walking away she let out the air she'd been holding in her body relaxing. They were safe from being stolen back into the hell hole of a club. A few moment's later all of Yuzu's relaxation was lost when Shinji sighed in relief. Against her neck. The feeling of his hot moist breath ghosting over her skin made Yuzu jump, quite literally causing his lips to collide with her collar bone. She became still as a dead body, her blush spreading down to her chest, when Shinji didn't immediately pull back. Seconds passed by as both extremely awkward individuals stayed still as statues. Five heart beats later and his mouth slowly lifted off of her skin and Yuzu found herself focusing on a suddenly interesting half eaten shoe too afraid to look at his face.

She felt him about to say something, he was _still_ laying on her and it was as much paradise as it was hell, but instead he sat up with a sigh and peeked out of the dumpster to see if the coast was clear. Apparently it was because the next moment his beautifully oppressive presence was gone and he was offering her a helping hand to get out.

Irrationally Yuzu felt a little angry, couldn't he at least pretend she had some femininely wiles to be affected by? Couldn't he at least pretend to stutter like she had or blush or something? She ignored his hand and hoisted herself over the metal not expecting the drop to be so big. When her feet hit the pavement her legs went briefly numb from the shock and Yuzu nearly pitched forward but was caught by Shinji. Once she wasn't going to face plant, in retrospect the hooker heels were a bad idea, she snatched back her arm and looked at the offending male.

Up until this point she'd not gotten a chance to really get a look at him, what with the running and hiding in dumpsters, and she had a hard time staying angry at him when seeing his state. Obviously his missing shirt was most noticeable, and delectable, but he had a few bruises and scratches as well, his hair was a mess as well. The scratches either came from an angry raccoon or the she-he-devil who was responsible for all of this had been the one to snatch his shirt with he-her talons. Yuzu wasn't sure about the bruises but they made her anger waiver. Dragging her gaze from him she slipped off her already unbuttoned trench coat and held it out to him.

"Take it, you look cold," Yuzu mumbled not quite having the courage to speak up nor the strength to keep the perpetual blush off of her face.

For a second it did indeed look like he was going to take it but then all of a sudden Shinji frowned and crossed his arms.

"It'd be better for you ta wear that," he said sounding a bit like her brother on a bad day.

Blinking Yuzu tried to think of a reason that it was better for her to wear the coat when she had fully functional clothes and he didn't. Also there were people looking for them and a half nude male wasn't subtle or easily hidden. And he would get cold! Frowning right back at him Yuzu threw the coat at him enjoying the surprised expression on his face right before it landed on him.

Adapting a stance she'd picked up from Karin, also known as the peter pan stance, Yuzu sternly told him, "That makes no sense, I am not the one who is half naked so I don't need it! Besides I walked into that, that place wearing that. If I keep it on they will spot me but not before they spot you, you're so pale if you walk under a street lamp then it will be like a beacon that says to capture us!"

Huffing a little Yuzu was no longer red from embarrassment but from consternation. Glaring a bit at the man who now held the bundle of fabric in his arms. A slackjaw expression on his face she waited for her orders to be obeyed. As it was Shinji wasn't quite in the mood to do the smart and rational thing as he flung the coat back at Yuzu.

"Yer a young girl and shouldn't be wearing flimsy clothes 'round 'ere with those heels, it's just askin fer trouble," he growled right back at her.

He really should have phrased that better because for as passive and sweet as Yuzu generally was tonight had been so stressful that she had hit her breaking point. Had Karin been here then it would be her yelling at the man for accusing her sister of dressing promiscuously. But she wasn't, and so the task lay with Yuzu herself.

"Did you just say what I think you said? Did you just say I am dressed like woman of the night?" her eyes glinted dangerously as Shinji's face lost all color.

"Here I am trying to be nice to your stupid face and I get called a prostitute in return! I thought you were a good man, but no you are just as perverted as my deranged brother! After all you were in that godforsaken place where men don't put on blush properly. I should have known better than to expect you to be anything other than lecherous what with the way you call every pretty girl who walks on by your first love," Yuzu was in rambling mode once more quickly running out of anger as it was morphing into despair.

She hadn't wanted her night to end up like this, all she'd wanted was to know why her brother was being so weird. Being seduced by an overly terrifying man in a dress and finding out her crush thought she dressed like a whore wasn't what she wanted at all. Right then Yuzu desperately wished that Karin wasn't at soccer camp, her twin would know how to fix things and would hold her and let her cry away all the frustrations. It was half way into her desperately missing her sister that the coat in her arms was taken by Shinji and instead of more yelling, or him trying to force it on her, he put it on. Blinking in confusion Yuzu looked at him with wide eyes. His cheeks were a dusty pink and he looked at his hands as if ashamed.

"Stop makin that face I didn't mean it like that. I'll wear yer damn coat but ya hafta stay really close okay? I dun trust any of the two faces perverts that walk 'round here."

A small smile broke out at his soft apologetic words and Yuzu happily pranced to his side and took his arm. "Okay, I'll stay close Shinji-san!"

He let out an exasperated sigh at her sudden cheerfulness but guided her out of the alley way being careful to see who was on the street. Walking down the dimly lit streets they stayed in the shadows, Shinji the look out and Yuzu doing her best to look enamored as he'd asked her to. Which wasn't as hard a task as he thought it was. There were a few close encounters with perverted men trying to buy a session from Yuzu and her having to hold Shinji back from castrating them. Five blocks later the neighborhood was looking better and it looked like they were in the clear. But then Yuzu heard a familiar voice and Shinji saw an all too familiar head of hair. Apparently Aizen's croonies were smart enough to widen their search perimeters. Panicking she was going to make a run for it but before she could Shinji's arm was around her waist and she was being picked up. He moved her into the nearby alleyway and sandwiched her between the wall picking her up so her bum rested on a very unstable trash can.

Suddenly his face was too close to he's and he mumbled something about being sorry and to not fight back. Then his lips were on hers like it was the most natural normal thing in the world. Her heart went in overdrive as his hand wound itself in her hair. She was too shocked to do much more than close her eyes and enjoy the ride as his lips moved softly against hers. Shinji's lips were a little chapped but the pressure was so pleasant that didn't even matter. A few seconds ticked by and it became apparent to Yuzu that this wasn't some hormonal dream, she really was being kissed in an alley way by her own personal wet dream. It was then that something changed in her, the logical part of her brain that said this was probably only happening so that they would blend in with the rest of the scummy scenery shut down. Free of that nagging part of her brain Yuzu threw her arms around his neck and finally participated in the kiss.

If it had felt good to have his lips press into hers it was a whole new level of delicious to have the friction of their lips moving in unison. His lips were warm and talented as Yuzu leaned forward, held him a little tighter, and opened her mouth a little wider not thinking about any repercussions. Either Shinji was the best actor in the world or getting just as much from this as she was because he too opened his mouth just enough to slip his tongue past her lips.

To say that Yuzu had never kissed a boy would be a lie, for three months she had a small romance with a schoolmate who'd been the one to teach her the art of lip locking, but she'd never had such a confident partner. There was truth to the saying that older men really are better as his hot tongue slid against hers making her hair stand on end and a small pleased noise escape her. Much to her shock his tongue ring was a little cold but that small bit of cold was quite stimulating.

Maybe it was the increased friction, or the cute noise Yuzu had made but Shinji pulled her closer, stepping in between her legs, and she wrapped her legs around his hips. Movements became more frantic, his hand squeezed her hip while his lips migrated from her mouth to her neck. Yuzu found her hands roaming his back, passing over his ribs and stroking his muscled abdomen through the coat. When Shinji sucked on a certain spot just below her jaw Yuzu keened out a noise she'd never heard herself make the temperature rising a few degrees. Her clothes felt itchy and his hands were on her thighs stroking lightly. Slowly his kisses made it back to her mouth and they became softer, less urgent, until the two were staring at each other a little out of breath and both equally flushed.

His hands slowly drew out of her hair but neither of them sought to try and disengage from their rather intimate position. As her heartbeat began to adapt a slower rhythm a bright blush spread across her face in acknowledgment of what had just happened. It quickly became too embarrassing to look at his face, that looked rather happy, and instead concentrated on his clavicle. She wanted to ask him exactly what that had meant, if it had meant anything more than just a way of hiding from crazy drag queens, but her words didn't reflect her inner turmoil.

"What exactly were you doing in that building?" she asked breathlessly.

Shinji groaned and let his head fall to her shoulder. "Geez when tha' moment is gone it's really gone with you ain't it?"

Fidgeting at the way his hair tickled her skin Yuzu blurted out, "Don't avoid my question!"

"Alright, alright I was dragged in there by some weird dude in a bright blue wig 'cause I have the misfortune of owin' Aizen a favor. He tried 'ta rope me in ta working there, I said no, he said not to fight it, I ran, and 'ere we are," he chuckled.

His small laugh against her shoulder made her squirm even more, his breath was hot and strangely arousing. Doing her best not to be distracted by his closeness Yuzu was taken off guard when he suddenly wasn't leaning his forehead on her shoulder and was giving her a very penetrating stare.

"What exactly were _you_ doin' there, and with that bastard Kenpatchi!"

"W-what?" she stuttered, "I was following my Onii-chan! He's been acting strange and like Daddy does when he goes to a Gentleman's Club with Urahara-san! So I just wanted to see what was making Onii-chan so weird, and then some weird pretty man dragged me back into that room and locked the door behind me and, and Zaraki-san didn't remember me and kept trying to get closer and, and I still didn't find Onii-chan and lecture him about being a pervert."

Sniffling Yuzu kind of wanted to cry from all the stress, particularly the part about being locked in a room with a scarily seductive Zaraki. She tried to subtly rub out the small tears that were gathering in her eyes but wasn't as ninja about it as she wanted as Shinji frowned at her.

One large hand ran it's fingers through her hair as he murmured, "Don't cry Yuzu, jeez I'm sorry I didn't mean 'ta upset you."

His words brought a small smile to her face and with one final swipe at her eyes the tears disappeared. Staring at his face Yuzu couldn't help but smile at the way he was upset at having made her tear up. It was comforting, his awkwardness, it made her comfortable enough to ask the really important question that kept flitting through her mind.

"W-Well if you want to make it up to me you can tell me why you kissed me," stuttering and blushing Yuzu felt like a silly schoolgirl in asking him this.

However she felt a lot less silly as his own face turned a nice cherry tomato red to match her own. "A-Ah, the thing of it is that, well, ya know how sometimes you have to do somethin' for the greater good but then it turns out 'ta be what you want to do even though you shouldn't wanna do it 'cause that makes you an old perv bastard who takes advantage of trustin' girls who deserve better than old pervy bastards."

Yuzu brightened up with every stutter and her smile got wider when he admitted to wanting to do it. Well admitted in his own round about way. It made her heart soar with happiness, except for one thing, he wasn't old or a bastard. Maybe a pervert but according to Rangiku most men are so that wasn't really a problem. When he started backing away she decided that just wouldn't do, not after those cute words, and leaned forward wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Who said you were taking advantage of me?" she murmured pulling toward her.

The way his mouth moved but no words came out was adorable, as was the way that his eyes widened, and his ears turned pink. Not that Yuzu would call them that, she'd learned the hard way with Ichigo that men don't like being told how cute they are. Something about how it was insulting to their masculinity. Just went it seemed that Shinji had found out the thing to say the worst possible scenario unfolded. They were found by the men looking for them. One moment Yuzu was in bliss-land about to be kissed once more the next Shinji was being pulled off of her and she had a bag over her head and was being picked up by unfamiliar hands. Screaming Yuzu tried to struggle, but it is was hard to do because she couldn't see the attacker who was clearly bigger than her. Distantly she heard Shinji cursing and was about to call out to him but suddenly she wasn't being carried anymore she was flying through the air and into a car seat. Unfortunately the man had bad aim and Yuzu smacked her head on the opposite door. Groaning and disoriented she tried to sit herself up and take the bag off her head but was stopped by her kidnapper.

"Stop struggling," he grunted and for that Yuzu kicked out and was happy to feel contact.

The entire drive, which was only 10 minutes or so, Yuzu squirmed, bit, kicked, and flailed doing everything she could to make life miserable for her kidnapper. All the while wondering wear in hell they'd taken Shinji. She swore upon all that is that if he was hurt then she was going get revenge on these buffoons! There was not time for further contemplation on the issue as the car came to a screeching stop and the behemoths hands were on her again as he dragged her out. Since the man was stupid enough to drag her out by her shoulders once on her feet again Yuzu was happy to head butt him. It made her already sore head hurt worse but he let her go and that was all that mattered. Trying to pull the fabric off of her head and run at the same time wasn't as much a success as Yuzu had hoped, instead she fell down her knee hitting the pavement. Hissing from the pain she was recaptured before she could keep running. Doing her best to bite and kick it was to no avail as she was carried away. A minute later she was deposited on a couch and the cloth bag was finally taken off of her face.

Having been brought inside the bright lights made her eyes water and it took a moment for things to come into focus. When they did Yuzu rather regretted it as in front of her was the she-male demon from before, sans makeup and dress, and her brother, who was wearing makeup and a pretty floral kimono. She wondered if maybe when she'd fallen down she'd hit her head really hard, that would explain what was going on. That hope crashed and burned violently as she watched, a once again shirtless, Shinji be pushed in with a sack over his head. Like her he was pushed at the couch with the same carelessness. To prevent him hitting his head Yuzu half caught him, half let him fall on her, which while kind hurt when he accidentally elbowed her in the stomach. Wheezing Yuzu heard her brother yell out something in the background but was more focused on relieving Shinji of the sack on his head.

Tugging the awful thing off Yuzu appraised his face and was happy to see that it wasn't beat up at all, although his hair was in a messy state. She sighed in relief until the bigger problem was brought back to her attention.

"How cute, I should have just locked you two in a room together," said the silky smooth voice that belonged to quite possibly the devil himself.

Turning to stare into the face of evil Yuzu wished evil was a little less attractive looking. His deep brown eyes glittered with a sadistic mischief and his lush wavy hair was pulled back into a high pony tail. But attractive or no he had stuck her in a room with Zaraki, he was the one behind stopping her and Shinji kissing a second time, and by the looks of it he had put her currently very angry brother in women's clothing. So Yuzu lifted up her chin and glared defiantly at him.

"What do you want crazy man, woman, thing?" she asked bluntly channeling her twin's powers of confrontation.

Ichigo gaped for a second at Yuzu being so bold, it just wasn't really in her nature, but had to be restrained when the devil replied. "My name is Aizen little girl, but I like the spunk keep it up. What I want here is a trade. If you work for me for a month I will consider both your brother and Shinji's debts erased."

The two men immediately started yelling, Ichigo was more quickly restrained and held down by some minion or another while Shinji had time to land a solid punch in before a henchmen tackled him. Standing up in shock Yuzu glared at Aizen as she walked carefully toward him.

"I don't know what you're talking about, what debt?" Yuzu asked sounding a lot calmer than she felt.

Shinji and her brother were spewing curses so loud it was hard to hear him over their combined threats. "Where do you think your brother got the money for college? And Shinji asked a very, very tasking favor back in the day," chuckling he leaned his chin against one hand a vision of nonchalance.

His words renewed the cursing and struggles of the two men but made Yuzu pause. Call it feminine intuition but there just something off. Really taking a good look at him, how he sat, the way he was laughing it occurred to Yuzu that he might just be trying to rile the boys up. Because he sure as hellfire wasn't looking at her for a reaction, just her two furious men. Sighing at the immaturity of boys she fixed Aizen with a stern gaze.

"You don't really want me to work here."

Everyone stopped at that looking at her incredulously, except Aizen of course who looked extremely amused.

"And what makes you say that?"

Bristling at his taunting words Yuzu crossed her arms and frowned trying to put her feelings into words. "Because, if you really wanted me to work here, why did you put me in the room with Zaraki-san? You should have just taken me aside and threatened Onii-chan if you really wanted me to work here, but you didn't. So what is it that you really want?"

Head tilted to the side Yuzu awaited her answer not quite taking notice of how both men stilled processing the truth of the matter through their heads.

Rather than chuckling he roared a full out rich laugh that shook his body. "You are something else Yuzu-chan. I had hoped this would go on a bit longer but I've been caught. This is Ichigo-chan's," at this Ichigo growled out he wasn't a woman but he was ignored, "last week working here for me and I thought I'd made it memorable. Of course I couldn't plan on you following him here, but when you did I knew this was better than anything else I could have planned."

He shrugged at the end of it all before adding, "Shinji being here was just a coincidence, and since he was here I couldn't resist teasing him a bit."

Yuzu was torn between sighing some more, laughing, and crying. She settled for shaking her head. "Does that mean I can leave now?"

Aizen shrugged noncommittally as he waved his goonies off of the pinned down men. That was probably poor judgment as immediately the two incensed males sprung into action. Yuzu watched as her brother and Shinji played punt the drag queen. For some time this went on, at first it had made her happy to see him getting his just desserts, but then it got boring. She tried to get their attention but failed, and decided to just walk home on her own. After getting her warm and loved coat back from one of the henchman of course.

Having gone at a rather leisurely pace Yuzu made it home about 20 minutes later and much to her astonishment Shinji was laying on her couch half asleep. His head lifted up at the sound of the door shutting behind a stunned Yuzu.

"Hey there, was wonderin' when you'd get back." His voice came out huskily as he stood up running a hand through his hair.

The bastard still wasn't wearing a shirt either.

Almost robotically she hung up her trench coat. "W-What are you doing here?"

She had wanted to say along the lines of, where is my brother and papa? Or, how on earth did you beat me here? But she was proud of the fact that she'd managed to speak at all.

"Oh you know, I was in tha' neighborhood and wanted ta' see if we could finish what ya started earlier," Shinji said sultrily stalking toward her.

Suddenly it didn't matter where her brother and dad had disappeared to because her crush was in her personal space and caressing her arm. When he leaned in to nibble on her ear what he said made it to her foggy brain and Yuzu glared.

"What _I_ started? Which one of us got dragged into an alley way and pressed up against a wall?" Poking him firmly in the chest to put a distance between them Yuzu crossed her arms in defiance.

If he thought she was that easy then no matter how much she liked him nothing was ever going to happen again.

She watched the way his mouth quirked before he sighed, "That may be, but I wasn't the one asking fer seconds."

Blushing at that Yuzu had to admit there was a certain truth to that. For a moment she pondered being childish and calling him a perverted old man but decided that it would only be good for her ego. With a sigh she wrapped her arms around his neck and looked into his deep brown-grey eyes.

"So where does that leave us?" she asked a little breathlessly one hand weaving into his hair.

His fingers danced up and down her back as he hummed in thought. "It leaves us here, were I'm gonna kiss you, and tomorrow I'll take you out 'ta eat and then kiss you some more."

By the time he'd stopped talking his mouth had found a way to keep itself busy by paying worship to that spot on her jaw that made her groan.

On her tip toes so she could press kisses into his shoulder Yuzu said slowly, "Careful, it almost s-sounds like you're asking me to date you."

"I am," Shinji groaned directing them toward the couch.

Yuzu squealed when his knees hit the couch's edge and he fell bringing her down on top of him. Straddling his lap she blushed but didn't really think about it much preferring to bite his bottom lip. She was happy to hear him moan at that but didn't have time to feel self satisfied as he drew her in for a real kiss. The kind that made her heart beat so hard it hurt and made her glad she was sitting in his lap so he couldn't see her knees tremble.

Not willing to be passive Yuzu rubbed her tongue against his just as enthusiastically loving the way his metal piercing contrasted to the soft muscle of his tongue. Scooting closer she rubbed her palm against his abdomen enjoying the way his muscles clenched and tightened at her touch. His hands pulled her hips even closer causing a friction that made Yuzu gasp and tug on his hair. Wiggling her hips just the right way, seeking to relive that friction, Shinji's burning mouth migrated down the column of her throat. Blunt nails scraped gently across his back as she found a slow rhythm that made her stomach tighten and temperature raise. It did something for Shinji to because he dragged his teeth across a tendon in her neck a moan vibrating against her skin.

Everything felt too hot and her clothes we so itchy that Yuzu was tempted to simply toss them aside. So when Shinji's wondrous, slightly calloused but oh so warm, hands crawled under her shirt some of that pressure was relieved. His fingers stoked a fire in her lower belly that made her press against him in an attempt to dissolve some of the building tension. And when one hand gently palmed her breast Yuzu panted out his name against his overheated skin. It was then that his hand retreated and he pushed her hips away from his.

"Yuzu we need 'ta stop," he grunted through gritted teeth.

She made an incoherent whine in the back of her throat, wide eyes pleading. "No we don't."

"Yeah, we do. You don't know what yer getting' into." Growling a bit Shinji ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

Leaning back Yuzu appraised him, from the growing bulge in his pants, to the way his eyes burned with lust. He may not believe it but she knew what she was getting into. While yes she was a virgin she wasn't a complete angel, and it was hard to not know about sex when you knew how to use a computer with the internet. And this had been her dream for the past few years. Yuzu steeled her resolve and looked him straight in the eyes.

"I know what I am getting into and one way or another by the end of the night I am going to be satisfied, i-it can be done by me or you, but it is happening." Picking herself up off of his lap she did her best not to blush and failed.

Slowly making her way to her room Yuzu regretting throwing down that ultimatum. As true as it was she wanted to be back in his passionate embrace more than anything. Shuddering with want she didn't even make it to the stairs before suddenly she was being lifted off of her feet. Squeaking Yuzu found herself thrown over Shinji's shoulder, she'd know that ass anywhere after having spent so many days dreaming about it.

"You had better be sure about this Yuzu 'cause there ain't not going back anymore," he said whilst kicking in the first door he came across.

Once more Yuzu found herself flying through the air and landed on a cushy bed. In no time at all Shinji was kneeling over her staring her down with a penetrating gaze.

"Do ya want this? Honestly with all yer heart?" he whispered huskily not trying to persuade her into saying yes or no.

Little did he know that he was the biggest, most unfair persuasion there could ever be for her. Inhaling his scent of vanilla and old records Yuzu sincerely thought about it, it would be wrong for her not to, and smiled at him softly caressing his face.

Giving him a small chaste peck on his lips Yuzu murmured, "Yes, I am."

Immediately his lips were on hers devouring her body, her heart, and her soul. It felt like that at least. No hesitation was shown as Yuzu dragged her nails through his hair and his nimble fingers squeezed her pert breasts. Mewling into his mouth Yuzu wrapped one leg around his hips seeking to feel the friction from before only to be distracted by his talented mouth. He was eagerly kissing the tops of her breasts and it was so hard to concentrate on anything else. Panting she aided him in pulling off her camisole enjoying the way he leaned in to kiss he now bared breasts. Never in her life had she been so happy to have decided to forgo a bra then right now.

When his heated mouth captured a small pink nipple she just about died from the new fantastic sensation. Sure she'd fondled herself before but it had never been quite so, quite so. Yuzu's train of thought derailed when a sneaky hand of his toyed with the hem of her skirt. Feeling a little out done she tugged on his hair some more, something he appeared to enjoy very much. Pushing at him a bit Yuzu hated how suddenly cold and bare her breasts felt but determined to pull her weight. Rolling him over she straddled his hips and focused on nibbling and kissing the planes of his stomach. Yuzu enjoyed the way he grunted as she licked a line from his happy trail to his throat, she felt pride at being able to evoke such reactions. The way his hands settled on her hips while she kissed the muscles in his abdomen made her feel strangely powerful. And with every small noise she coaxed out of him that sense of power grew. It was when a stray thumb rubbed against his own nipple and she was rewarded with his hands tightening that her confidence grew to the point that her hands began to unbuckle his belt. The hand that absently did so was ignored by Shinji in favor of how she had lovingly to nipped at his collar bone, until the telling noise of a zipper being undone was heard.

His hand at her hip grabbed the naughty hand pulling it back a devastatingly devious smirk on his face. Once more Yuzu was on her back as proud Shinji gazing adoringly at her. There was no time for it to register in her mind what exactly he was doing until her skirt was half way across the room and his lips were moving against her pelvic bone. Gasping out in embarrassment Yuzu tried to voice how he didn't need to be so close to _there. _Before she could even mutter anything coherent he'd dragged her panties, which were adorable and covered in cute bears, off and they were dangling from her left foot. Blushing from more than the arousal she felt Yuzu just about died as he fixed her with a heated gaze. Never breaking eye contact he carefully lathered two fingers with his saliva before stroking her womanhood. Yuzu trembled as he tenderly stroked her clitoris briefly before probing deeper.

Shinji smiled in a predatory way when he slowly dipped a finger into her inner most depths to find a natural lubrication already building. Slowly he slid in and out, his thumb occasionally brushing against that bundle of nerves that always made her heart beat double time and her breath quicken. Yuzu moaned as he slid a second finger in slowly stretching her out, preparing her. By the time he had a third finger in Yuzu keened out a quiet noise and bucked her hips against his. Sweat was beginning to bead on her forehead and she wasn't sure how much longer she could handle his gentle and calm ministrations. She wanted something faster, something that would release the tension that had slowly gathered in her lower abdomen. Thankfully her undulating hips were all the signal needed for his hand to pick up pace. And when he flexed his fingers hitting a certain spot the added pressure made Yuzu moan louder than before. Grasping at the sheets trying to find some foothold to contain how she felt she tried to keep in the noises, the panting, the embarrassing wails, but failed. Shinji sped up pressing upon that illusive spot within her again bringing about another 'bout of moans. When his thumb began to encircle that oh so sensative nub that was when she finally came. Noiselessly she gasped as pleasure washed over her like a tidal wave.

So intense was the bliss that Yuzu thrashed a bit trying to find a proper outlet only to find just as sudden as the explosion had came it was gone leaving her feeling empty and sated. Panting heavily she looked up to see Shinji no longer between her legs but instead watching her enraptured by every noise and movement. She blushed at his expression feeling oddly boneless and relaxed. Reaching up to tuck a few strands of golden hair behind his ear she giggled happily. He trapped that hand and pressed a kiss into her palm silently asking if she wanted more of this, of him. Yuzu smiled and tugged on his hair to pull him into a gentle kiss.

That kiss may have started out sweet and loving but soon transformed into something much hungrier and demanding. Shinji seemed to be kissing and touching every bit of her skin and then suddenly his pants were gone. His rigid member was erect and proud as he slowly entered her centimeter by centimeter. Yuzu wasn't going to lie, it was uncomfortable and somewhat painful, but there wasn't the agony the older girls had told her there would be.

Just as his fingers had stroked her slowly he thrust in and out with care, clearly straining from the effort, not wishing to harm her. She tried to show her appreciation with soft caresses and kisses, tried to show her love by grinding her hips against him. He picked up speed slowly, angling her hips the right way, telling her when to push with him, pull against him in erotic whispers. Somehow his simple directions made it better as he fondled her breasts and licked her neck. Soon it became frantic once more as Yuzu licked the sweat off of his shoulder, moaning, keening, and groaning at the feel of him and the friction they created together. When he rotated her hips just right or pulled on his hair she always got a grunt of satisfaction from him. But as his pace turned into hard thrusts and all Yuzu could do was hold on as his hips ground against her and with a loud cry she felt the tidal wave of gratification and bliss wash through her once more. Lost in her own contentment Yuzu was surprised by the loud groan that escaped Shinji as he too reached his peak.

Sweaty and exhausted he draped over Yuzu pulling her close. In the back of her mind she knew they needed to bathe and dress before anyone found them. Rather than listen to logic she isntead cuddled up to him as he pulled a blanket over their sticky flesh. Feeling better than she'd ever felt Yuzu mumbled to him a quiet, I love you drowsily against his chest.

In the morning she would be able to rejoice over the fact that he hadn't left her to wake up alone. There would be time to deal with her brother and father who Shinji had tied up and stuck in a closet. And she would of course play peace keeper as Ichigo and Isshin tried to murder her boyfriend. Then Karin would come home to the whole mess and regret ever leaving, but until then Shinji was holding her and whispering sweet loving words, and that was all that mattered.

A/N: So yeah, completely crack. Hope it was a good read, sorry if it sucked. Never really wrote anything this steamy before. Also sorry about any lingering typos. I tried to get them all.


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